Oh, How Far We Have Fallen
by Hello Baby Hello
Summary: Hermione Granger never thought she'd lose her Gryffindor courage. Now, however, she seems to be losing everything..SSHG? Somewhat angsty one-shot. Complete. Reviews very welcome!


This story was kind of a little vignette, I suppose, that came from nostalgic angst late at night. I'm not a particularly good writer, at all, but I'd love to try and reach SS/HG people. I've noticed I've loved fics, but nitpicked certain things. Oh well, read on!

**Disclaimer:** Of course, all characters, bla bla, belong to J.K. Rowling.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What, exactly, did she miss about him?

Tousled curls, a kaleidoscope of blondes, browns, and coppers flounced as they lay on this pondering girl's back. She paced, causing this mane to whip and buck, like an untamed beast. An empty hallway was her jungle, and the light from the tall windows interspersed her scenery, like the sun beaming through the trees. Sunlight, however, was no longer an enjoyable thing. Again, the girl thought. What did she miss about him? Was it the fact that she lived vicariously through him? His sadness was her sadness, his joys were her joys.. Had she really lived yet? Had she been living with him, through him, and in him? Was she even a personality? The girl paused. Such thoughts were selfish. She missed the fact that he was gone…and... No. The girl began pacing once more, her unruly ringlets framing her face as she looked at the floor. But the blasphemous thoughts came back to her. Maybe..just maybe she wasn't who she thought she was. All those times she had scoffed at the youths around her; forsaking them, thinking them shallow. A week long relationship would lead into "great love", only for the relationship to fall apart the next week. And, after this "momentous event", another relationship similar to the last would form, and all previous affairs would be forgotten. Of course, they would be recorded for "references". The more relationships you had had, the better you were. Again, no. The girl was above that. At least, she had thought she was. Her love had been real, hadn't it? So much more mature then all the others her age, her love. Why did she think this way, then? There should be no second thoughts. She loved him, he had gone, and now she missed him. But somehow... She felt as if she didn't miss him as much as she missed his presence. No. That made no sense, as well as sounding horribly self-centered. The girl paused once more. She turned to the right and leaned her back against the brick wall. She breathed a long breath, feeling the sharpness of said partition. Then, she slowly slid down the length of the barrier until she was sitting with her knees bent and her head turned upward. Closing her eyes, she drifted into memories.. 

'Oh God,' she thought, suddenly, 'it's true…I liked it, no, loved it. That's what I loved. Not him. What he did to me. The way he juggled my emotions…and…

'He never even knew he was doing it.' The girl's eyes, which had closed in this process of nostalgia and thought, now opened. Slowly taking in the light she saw, she briefly smiled. But the smile soon faded. She felt as if she had almost grasped the peak of some kind of understanding. An understanding, perhaps, of how she could go on. But she had missed it. Her fingers had slipped from the metaphorical mountain of knowledge, and she fell into a great heap at it's bottom. "Oh, how far we have fallen, Miss Granger." a sonorous voice from behind the girl said. She had not realized she was in the fetal position, tucked behind a suit of armor. The mass of curls covered her face as her eyes drooped at his voice. No longer did she go pink at the sound of his name, or feel a guilty thrill in her stomach at the sight of him. In the process of the last few hours of her seemingly endless pacing and inward turmoil, she had gone from loving and missing this man to becoming weary of all that had taken place. She was just so wearied from the entire ordeal. No longer did she care what he thought of her; only that he leave her be. And, 'Oh,' she thought, 'how close those words come.' 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comments much appreciated! I'd love to hear from you all. Keeping this an unnecessarily overtly-angst one-shot. Excuse the poor grammar in the author's notes. I plan on writing more developed SS/HG fics, though. Hope they turn out ok.


End file.
